From the Onion:

LOS ANGELES—A fist-pumping spokesperson for the rock and roll song “Rock You” declared the new track’s unwavering pro-rock stance Monday amid a deluge of blistering guitar solos and monster drum fills. “In addition to its steadfast pledge to rock you into the night, ‘Rock You’ also intends to rock at least until the morning light, and does not care what any authority figures may say at this time,” public relations associate Mark Boudreaux said. “Furthermore, rock and roll is here to stay.” Boudreaux added that lame asses, poseurs, and mama’s boys opposed to the song’s militant pro-rock agenda could face a long, uphill battle if the song’s prediction that rock will never die proves true.